Insomnia - II (The medical & philosophical aspect)

So once more, here I am. Sleepless in Seattle. Only I'm in New Delhi, and that doesn't make for an as good aliteration. Numb in New Delhi is better, but only slightly.

My ex told me to go to a physician, to get sleeping pills or something. I'm losing weight, and she's apparently worried that I'm being pig-headed again (no offense to anyone with porcine affections) and just plain stubborn. Maybe I am. Whatever. I don't like docs, I don't like medicine that much. I figure we all know about health, diets ( the simple basics atleast, no debate on Atkins here) and sanitation, and if we fall sick, its our own damn fault. Oh sure, things that you don't have control over, such as Cancer, or systolic heart murmurs, fine. We need the docs for that. But general physicians are basically trying to sort out our own messes aren't they?

If I smoke, I shouldn't complain of shortness of breath a decade later. If I drink to get drunk, I shouldn't complain of liver damage a few years later. If I do heroin or cocaine, I shouldn't complain that life is weird and nothing seems to make sense and that the government is watching every move I make, not to mention the flying saucers coming to bombard my house cause I know of the big coverup.

Heck, if I did all that, if was my own fault. So grin and bear it. I deserve the pain then, I deserve the suffering - I brought it on myself. I know I'll get glasses if I don't read in proper light. My parents have been telling me that all my life. If I'm still getting glasses because of my eyes getting weak, maybe its because I'm too stupid to know what's good for me.

And even if I am, and I realise later ln life that it was my own fault, why cry to high heaven that I was ignorant, and it shouldn't be this way! You did what you did, whether you knew it was wrong or not. YOU did it, take responsibility, carry the burden now.

Fair? What eactly is fair? Some of the older societies in the so-called Third World assigned responsibility to the doer, and only the doer, circumstances or not. You did it. No one else. Why run away from the fact?

But the coddling of infants, making toddlers laugh off breaking mommy's valuable vase (which is a fairly common and I think extremely over-used aliteration, by the way) is what's letting on this culture of escaping blame.

Oh fine, the child doesn't get "traumatised" (note the quotes, I'm making a subtle point with them as well). But the lack of "trauma" I believe, is what starts inculcating the behavior that makes one shy away from one's actions. That is where it starts, and we start running away from things, blame, responsiblity, facts, hard choices, and finally truth.

I'm looking at things straight now. Certain things in my life have been my fault, others have not. And it is only because I'm looking at them objectively, can I have the strength of not even feeling responsible for the things I didn't cause to go wrong, or gloating in the glory of rights I didn't propagate.

Accept responsibility. What is the big deal about it. The sooner we learn to do that, the sooner the world is a better place, from all angles. And the sooner we do away with diplomatic intrigues, the mire of politics, and deception.

And the sooner people stop telling me to go to a doctor because I can't sleep. Maybe it's my own damn fault! Heck, I'm used to 24 hr workdays after B-school. And I'm choosing to stay awake, I could get a pill anytime. Please, stop telling me something's wrong, and I should get a 'remedy'. Its my own choice.

And what the heck, losing a little weight never hurt anyone close to the higher edge of the BMI index.